Welcome back in our journey of The Art of Connection. In the paragraphs bellow, we’ll enter the incredible space of pleasure, intimacy and partnership.
On your journey as a wild women, you will soon acknowledge that an intimate partnership with another is of great magic for several reasons. It can lead is to discover new realms of pleasure, it serves as mirror and inspires us to depths of personal growth we probably would not venture alone. It’s as challenging as it is exciting and beautiful. So how, in the the middle of all the challenges of building a life together, can we cultivate true and deep intimacy with each other?
It’s not only because it’s February and it’s Valentine’s month (to be honest we did not even celebrate it here at home). It truly is because it’s been one of my biggest priorities in life at the moment, to reconnect to my beloved man on a deeper level. We have two babies, just moved homes, and both work on our career and dreams. You might ask me: how is this possible, Isa? Well it is. I wrote down my 6 best tips for intimacy bellow.
CHECK INS AND LISTENING
Intimacy starts before the bedroom. It starts in space to connect with a true part of oneself. This technique is to be used between partners, and it can also be used in family settings, between friends, etc.
- Sit face to face and agree on a certain time that each person will be given to speak.
- Agree on a rule of non-interruption. While one person speaks, the other does not reply or comment. It only listens.
- You can do this with eyes open or closed. Whatever allows you to connect to the other person best.
- During the agreed time, one person will speak whatever it’s in her/his heart. There is no rule, and also no pre-defined topic. Whatever comes is welcome.
- While one speaks the other only listens.
- After the first person is done, the other will have the chance to speak. The same amount of time should be given for both. Ideally, at this stage, the other one is not responding to what was said before. It’s simply speaking from her/his heart as previously done by the partner.
- Once both partners have spoken out. They remain in silence and let what has been said sink in. No continuing of the conversation and also no response or comments on what was said.
They can choose to hug, walk away, whatever feels right. Later in the day, they can return to speak about what came up during “Check In” time.
5 MINUTES OF “WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU”
A dear friend and therapist Dolores Mae taught me this technique and I’ve fallen in love with it ever since. It’s simple and so powerful. Any couple can do this.
Sit or lay in front of each other, set the timer for 5 minutes and each person will have this time to say things they love about each other. For example: I’ll start the first 5 minutes saying what I love about Carel, and after that, Carel will spend another 5 minutes saying what he loves about me. After 3 minutes in you will notice that unusual and special reasons will start coming up, that’s where the fun is.
THE POWER OF TOUCH
It’s easy to forget to simply pause and touch one another in busy family lives. Who’s never laid down exhausted in bed at the end of the day, a slight desire to connect but simply too tired to extend your arm? I know that feeling. I’ve been there, often 😉
But touching is the glue of the relationship, and it’s precious if it can be promoted as an essential part of the day, like brushing our teeths.
Touch goes beyond getting you “in the mood” and allowing you to “relax”. It’s also a beautiful way to build connection, to change the body chemistry through the deep sensations of relaxation and love, combining the chemical composition of essential oils that can change how one feels at the moment.
It can be done in a way of a massage, simply holding hands or making space for a long hug on the couch by the end of the day. Make a priority and it shall bring results in more bonding.
For more tips on how to include essential oils in your love routine, click here.
WHAT WE WERE TAUGHT ABOUT SEX
WHAT SEX IS REALLY ABOUT
We are part of a generation raised with a booming porn industry. Often times, our first encounter with the world of sex was either filled with shame or with the dominant and abusive ways of sexual intercourse promoted by the porn world. Neither of it even tip toes in the depth and sacredness of what sex is really about.
Beyond penetration, screams, large penis and body shame, sex is about connection. It’s a pure form of connection in all levels of the being: body, mind and soul. It is about experiencing deep energies together (in whatever shape or form, either by barely moving together during penetration or by having wild sex on the kitchen counter).
Form does not matter as much as energetic connection does. Presence, in the here and now. Surrender to the sensations while noticing where the energy of two bodies connecting will take you.
THE ART OF RECEIVING
When thinking about “receiving” you might stumble upon a common thought “it’s not as easy” or “it demands practice” or even “I want to become someone who can receive”.
Let me put it in this way: it’s not about becoming, or learning, or practicing. It’s about unbecoming. Letting go of the harshness of “doing”, of being active in our masculine energy and truly tapping into the feminine openness that’s already in there.
This space invites for letting go of control. Accepting what is. Welcoming the unknown and sinking into the here and now with a wide open heart.
For true intimacy to take place, both parties need to be able to tap into this field of the feminine. It’s a space of allowing, giving permission for another to enter, to surprise you. It asks for letting go of control, letting oneself be carried and guided into a realm of the unknown.
IT STARTS WITH YOU
True intimacy with another can only take place when you are able to be intimate with yourself. Our external relationships will always be mirroring our internal world.
What do you tell yourself when you look into the mirror? What kind of thoughts you have about your body and your sensuality? How comfortable do you feel when saying “I fully love and accept myself exactly the way I am”?
I invite you to explore touching your body in a loving way, becoming your own lover first. Looking into the mirror and adoring your shapes, forms. If there is an inner critic that comes up, that’s ok. Send love to that voice as well. Loving your inner critic is also a part of loving the whole of you. It all starts with you. Become intimate to your being and your desires and the door is build to be intimate with another.